When They Violate Boundaries

After a recent hypnosis experience, covered in Slave to Pleasure, I had kind of a knee-jerk angry reaction and made a post about Consent. I’m still thinking about that experience and it’s brought some thoughts into focus. I might as well ride that wave of anger and frustration into writing a series of short posts about things that both (a) really piss me off about hypnosis online, and (b) are objectively bad practices that have somehow become normalised.

These will appear every second Tuesday at the same time.

The first topic of the series is Consent, or more specifically:

Breaking Consent or Violating Boundaries

I’m going to first give some advice, and then some thoughts. First, the advice:

If anyone breaches any of your clearly described boundaries, even once, stop playing with them.

This seems ridiculously harsh, and I used to say, well, once might be a mistake or an accident, and they are always apologetic or contrite afterwards, so it would be too harsh to judge them so quickly.

However, I’ve been very hypnotically promiscuous, and the number of people I’ve tranced with is well into three digits. (That’s not as promiscuous as it sounds – it’s over 20 years – a hypnotist looking for subjects could easily have several subjects a day, and could be into four digits, but I digress.)

I’ve been with a lot of hypnotists, and something I’ve learned is this: if anyone ever breaks your boundaries even once, they will do it again, and when you forgive them the first time, it just gives them license to do it again.

They have seen you will let them get away with it once, and no matter how contrite they appear to be, they know they can do it again.

Conversely, good hypnotists are actively thinking about your boundaries at all times. If they don’t know you well, they are on their best behaviour, trying to make a good impression. And if they do know you, they care about you and are thinking of you and your boundaries. They simply do not make mistakes of this nature.

Now I want to be clear here: I’m talking about boundaries you have explicitly stated. It’s very possible – even inevitable – for something to come up that trips your boundaries, even with someone you know very well and have good reason to trust implicitly. People cannot read your mind, and you may have limits or boundaries that you didn’t realise were boundaries or triggers.

So when someone trips over these landmines, it is an accident, and you can forgive them, and try again.

But when you have described a limit, and your hypnotist crosses it, that’s it. You should not listen to any excuses they make, and should not give them another chance.

In most cases, the person doing this is not (strictly speaking) a malevolent predator, they are just someone who got carried away – but the key thing here is, they put their own momentary lust ahead of any respect they have for you, and they will keep doing it.

I imagine you are thinking these could be just mistakes, and people can learn and improve and do better, and the relationship can become a good, respectful relationship. People deserve a second chance, after all.

But I have twenty years of experience and have experienced this many times. I have never, ever seen a single case where someone violates one of my clearly stated boundaries and goes on to be someone worthy of trust. It just doesn’t happen, and in fact, it can’t happen.

I’ll explain in a later post why this is true, but for now, take the benefit of my experience and follow this simple advice:

If anyone breaches any of your clearly described boundaries, even once, stop playing with them.

I’m curious to hear other people’s thoughts and experiences on this.

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