Looking Backward, Inward, and Onward

I’ve been doing some introspection lately and found a post I wrote back in 2012 but never posted. Now, 10 years later, it is just as true as it was then. So I might as well post it.

Thoughts from 2012

How I looked back in 2012

I intended this post to be about the importance of trust in a hypnotic relationship, but it took on a life of its own and became more personal, as I found a need to exorcise my own demons. I hope those hypnotists who are basically nice guys or girls but tend to play a little fast and loose, read this and think a little about the need to respect boundaries. I also hope it helps my friends who read this sympathise a little with why I haven’t been on SL much.

When a subject and a hypnotist play together, the hypnotist is being trusted with the most precious belonging the subject has –  their mind. It’s vital for the hypnotist to realise that, and to respect it. The hypnotist needs to learn the subject’s tastes and limits (and of course, the subject shares the responsibility, they need to communicate those things). If the hypnotist has had a chance to learn their subject’s limits and violates them, the relationship will probably not survive.

A good hypnotic relationship is very intimate. The subject has opened up their innermost self to the hypnotist, and if the hypnotist violates that trust, s/he hasn’t just lost a friend and a fun play partner. There can be long-term consequences too for the subject.

I had a bad experience around New Year when what had seemed to be a wonderful relationship came to a disastrous end.

I won’t go into details, but I do want to stress, there was no malicious act. This was not a predator who wanted to take advantage of me. No, it was an act (several actually) of careless disregard for stated boundaries, of the sort that often goes on in SL, where people don’t take hypnosis and limits that seriously. Most of the time, it’s just fun and games, but now and then, it leads to real problems – like this.

So, the initial aftermath had all the usual sorts of things that go on when a relationship ends – angry recriminations, attempts to make peace, gradual acceptance that it’s over, and both parties deciding to be friends and get on with their lives. I went through the inevitable heartbreak phase, several weeks of end-of-relationship grief, that robbed much of the joy from SL. So I didn’t visit much.

But life goes on. That period passed, and I returned to SL, ready to get back to being my usual enthusiastic and bubbly trance toy self.

It started well. I met several new hypnotists, made some new friends, and was having a good time. But something wasn’t quite right.

When I was trancing, I wasn’t going as deep as I had been before Christmas, and while individual scenes could be fun, there was a growing sense of frustration over this.

Also, I was mostly trancing with people who were new to me, and avoiding trancing with people I knew well. Once I got to know someone and started to feel some good rapport with them, I would draw away from them.

As any fan of hypnosis knows, the subconscious can influence you in subtle ways, but it took me a while to realise what was going on.

First, my subconscious had learned this idea, and incorporated it as truth:

If I am hypnotised by someone I trust, I will get badly hurt.

So, I was avoiding trancing with friends precisely because those were the people I trusted. And as I got closer to new hypnotists, they became friends and had to be avoided.

There is also a more insidious effect. Before the New Year experience, hypnosis was a joyful experience for me. But now that has been tarnished. Part of my mind is now always tense, always alert, always watching for trouble. That makes it hard to relax, so I can’t go very deep anymore. This has been an ongoing frustration, eating away at and eroding my fun.

That leads to a good example of the way associations can be made in the subconscious, which is a handy technique for a hypnotist when they do it deliberately and for positive reasons! Here’s what my mind has learned: I’m feeling frustrated and dissatisfied with hypnosis. Since nearly all of my friends on SL are involved in the hypnosis scene, my subconscious ‘realises’ that those people will only remind me of bad things so I should avoid them, and SL is a bad place to visit so I shouldn’t go there. (It doesn’t help that the domme who set all this off is also a friend of many of my friends, and seeing her having fun playing with people makes me upset at the unfairness of things – *resists the urge to boil a bunny*.)

So what, you say. It’s only hypnosis. To which I recoil in mock horror! Hypnosis has enriched my life in such an amazing way. I can’t describe how sad I am at how much I’ve lost.

Now, nearly 3 months on, I am still dealing with the consequences of having my trust shattered. I had reached the point where I was genuinely considering giving up SL and hypnosis. For the last 3 weeks, I couldn’t think about SL without thinking, is it time to leave it behind?

But I have made a lot of wonderful friends in SL, and I have missed them. Some very close friends, and many not as close, but who have still made my life a bit better, and who I’d hate to never see again. I only hope they remember me!

Now that I am aware of what’s been going on in my subconscious, I should be able to work past it.  Also, there are a couple of VERY promising hypnotic relationships, with people I respect and who show respect for my boundaries, so I am confident I’ll get over my trancing problems.

So the prognosis is good, but it has taken a long time to get here.

The 2022 Retrospective

So it turns out I was naive and optimistic. What I’ve realised is that I have trauma from those early years on Second Life, and the online hypnosis I did in the 5 years prior to that. The funny thing is, I have been going deeper again recently, in the last year or two, and immediately had my trust shattered again.

So, I’m pretty much back in the position I was when I wrote this post. I have other issues now too – like my personal health and real-life situation – that keep me from being in Second Life with any consistency. But I’m a cautious optimist – who knows, maybe things will improve…

Whatever happens, I have a lot of material for this blog, and the motivation to write again. You’ll already have seen evidence of that, and I have twice-weekly articles planned for at least the next three months. So let’s see what happens.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.sleepwithgiggli.com/looking-backward-inward-and-onward/

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