I was playing with a domme yesterday who identified something about me that I hadn’t realised before, but which is blindingly obvious in retrospect. I am a Slave to Pleasure.
I met Peachey for the first time a few weeks ago and seemed to hit it off straight away. She talked about her methods as a Hypnodomme, and talked about respecting boundaries and consent – “I am not the type to abuse power.” I was excited about playing with her.
We met up again about a week later, and this session was enjoyable, but had a lot of red flags and left me with misgivings.
For instance, at the time I had in my profile that I have some interest in Consensual Non-Consent play, which is a specific kink where you pretend to give up consent, for a specific time, with pre-arranged limits.
- Peachey: “I see you have an interest in Non-Consensual Play.”
- Me: “Erm, Consensual Non-Consent. The Consensual part is important!”
- Her: “Consensual Non-Consent. Hmmmmm.”
She also said things like, “Nothing I do will be long-term until you ask for that,” and “We know your body is already addicted to me, your mind just needs to catch up.”
Meanwhile, I was saying things like. “I’m not keen on the idea of addition without safeguards,” and “I always want to be a good girl, but I don’t know you well enough to know if I want to be your good girl.”
It’s clear looking back that one of us was trying to be a seductive domme, appealing to those who are turned on by corruption and control, while the other was oblivious to that and earnestly talking about boundaries. We were talking past each other. I wonder if everything I said about limits was being interpreted as a challenge, not as a serious boundary.
It’s funny how well this ties into a recent post about Gender and Dominance. I have mostly played with male hypnotists the last few years and forgot how much you have to be aware of this when playing with female dominants.
All that said, the session itself was a lot of fun. She planted a trigger, “Would you kindly,” that she could use for obedience, for dropping me back into trance, and lots of other things. The trance was tested to the pleasure and satisfaction of both of us, and I set my misgivings aside and looked forward to the next session.
Becoming a Slave to Pleasure
The first thing she did when we met up again was to apologise. “I might have pushed where I shouldn’t have,” and she tweaked her obedience trigger and set a block so that her suggestions only applied when we were together. I was thrilled by these changes and set aside my misgivings.
Then she dropped me back into trance to reinforce her obedience trigger and told me that whenever she used the phrase Good Girl, I’d feel a rush of amazing pleasure. The old classics are classic for a reason – who wouldn’t love that?
Then she talked about how since I enjoyed it, I would want to find out what she liked and want to keep her happy, so she would say it again. Ordinarily, this would hint at addiction and corruption, so I’d be resistant, but she had set that block limiting the scope of her suggestions, so I happily, excitedly surrendered to it.
She toyed with me, giving me hypnotic pleasure, and I was loving it. Then she commented as if realising just then that the thing I like most is not hypnosis or submission, but pleasure. I respond so easily and so well to pleasure. I was a Slave to Pleasure.
I was thinking at the time that this is a profound insight – I do readily accept pleasure suggestions more easily than any other triggers, and “Good Girl” has long been a favourite trigger of mine.
But now, looking back, I wonder if this was the kind of mental trickery that hypnotists routinely engage in (and there’s no criticism here!). She had first given me pleasure triggers and suggestions, and then told me I was a slave to pleasure – that perfectly fits the way I was feeling at that moment. So naturally, I believed and accepted it.
The Gloves Come Off
And now, once I was overcome with pleasure, very compliant and eager to obey, the gloves came off…
Bit by bit, she dismantled the safeguards she had placed earlier that same session. Planting suggestions that I was addicted to her, that being a slave to pleasure was my innermost nature, that Her commands had no limits, that anytime she contacted me I’d be under Her control, and I wanted to find ways to please Her always.
Now let’s say you have had your brain emptied out, and all that’s left is a slave to pleasure, and your hypnotist tells you, “Imagine a bad dom found out how much of a pleasure slave you are, and put you in a pleasure sim – you would be stuck, wouldn’t you?”
I really felt completely overwhelmed with lust, and completely helpless. She had also planted the command that I couldn’t say no to her, but at this point, I really couldn’t imagine saying no to her.
When I logged off for bed, I was so, um, worked up, it took me a couple of hours to burn off some excess, um, energy so I could get to sleep if you know what I mean.
But the next day it all sunk in. I realised what suggestions she had given me, and immediately unfriended her.
It made me think about the other people I was playing with at the time. There are three guys I’ve played with off-and-on for years, but they’ve each been doing non-consensual things to me, so I decided to make a clean break and unfriended them too. A series of posts describing my history with them will appear soon.
I should have seen this coming, really. I look now at Peachey’s profile and it says this:
I originally assumed that was roleplay, but remember, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
It’s a shame really because she does seem to be interested in many of the things I have long been interested in, desires and fantasies which have gone unfulfilled because I haven’t found anyone safe to play with them. I guess they will have to stay unfulfilled.
It’s been over a week since then, and I have been tormented by feelings of lust and cravings – mostly for her, but also for the men I unfriended. If anything, that confirms the decision was the correct one. As I write this, the feelings are slowly fading, and I’m focussing on writing for the blog again as a way of keeping myself distracted!